Make fun of your baby for shitting itself
FUCK I FORGOT THAT THE BIRD STORE I WORK AT HAS ONE BABY BIRD THAT LIKES TO SLEEP IN PEOPLES POCKETS IM HOME AND SOMETHING IS MOVING IN MY POCKET OH FUCK
YEAH ITS THE BIRD I JUST ACCIDENTALLY STOLE A BIRD
MY BOSS JUST GAVE ME THE MOST STERN LOOK OF DISAPPROVAL BEFORE HE STARTED LAUGHING SO HARD HE HAD TO GRAB THE EDGE OF A TABLE
There is an entire universe that exists solely in your mind that is impossible to completely share with another person. You are a god onto yourself as beautiful and cruel as you wish to be. That is the realest shit ever.
When bae horny but there’s tumblr beef
I really hate this
Whenever I lose a follower I always wonder what post they saw that made them go nope, fuck this guy.
I’ve never met Chris Pratt but I trust him